Presence Through Grief

It has been difficult past two weeks, seeing someone in the extended family pass away suddenly from a fatal brain stroke. It was shocking because it happened suddenly, but does any loss happen suddenly, or is life eroding slowly in ways that are hard to notice?

During times like these, people try to say something useful and positive to offer solace to the grieving family members. However, what I realized through experiences like these is – it’s not important what you “say” but that you just “stay” with them.

Sometimes, words cannot heal the wounds that our presence can. Not trying to fix anything. Not trying to say something, however well-intentioned it may be. Just being there. Offering our presence while we let them grieve.

Simply observing, feeling, and witnessing all of it.

Words cannot bypass someone’s pain. Our presence (being with them) holds the space, and offers a pathway for light/healing to come through darkness, eventually if not immediately.

Perhaps, that is the essence of 13 day mourning period in Hindu tradition, where family and friends stay together with the grieving family to offer their presence and prayers.

It is a reminder that we are here, not to rescue other people from their pain, but to help them get through it by simply being with them.

Nurture Your Independence

The real flex today is not running on the treadmill of ‘busywork”.

Not the 14-hour workdays. Not back-to-back meetings. Not a calendar that leaves no room to breathe.

The real flex today is:

Saying no to work that doesn’t resonate.
Choosing your own pace while being intentional about your impact.
Deciding who you work with and what you work on.
Embracing non-linear paths to create your version of success.

Building this kind of life takes investment – in skills, mindset, and your financial independence.

No one gets there on day 1, but nurturing your independence – professional and financial – is one of the most powerful things you can do to your future self.

Because the ultimate goal is to work with purpose on your own terms, not just work more.

Finding the Way

“Wayfinding” is a beautiful term because the path to mastery is never a straight line.

It is a journey that unfolds – as everything around us changes. Charting a fixed path is impossible, and if you are treading one, you are most likely on someone else’s path.

We are unique and so is our path. It requires constant searching, endless curiosity, willingness to experiment, learn from multiple disciplines, and test your ideas. Wayfinding happens when we are willing to move forward despite uncertainty.

The search itself transforms us and makes us ready for destinations we may never have imagined.

Quest is the goal. Finding the way, is the way.

Embrace the Fluidity

Embrace the fluidity. Give up on the need for fixed outcomes. Surrender to the flow, and you will be carried to your true purpose and fulfilment.

It’s not lack of effort or goal, but an inner receptivity to whatever experiences and emotions we go through.

Paradoxically, it’s only when we surrender, that we find our inherent strength.

The Value of Being Lost

First 6 years of my career were a total failure. I was laid off just a couple of years after I started working. I started a business that never took off. I endured for 6 years trying different things from coding to web development, from graphic design to copywriting. I even tried my hand at selling IT services, with only modest success.

I thought 6 precious and formative years were lost. It is only after I started my corporate career again in 2004 that I started realizing the value of all that struggle.

At work, I could do many things and that was my super-power. I could write code, decipher code written by others, I could write about it, I could communicate well, I could sell my ideas, I could deliver trainings, I could learn rapidly. Because those years of struggle prepared me for it. The diversity of experiences gained in those tough years propelled me into trajectory of growth. I could take on cross-functional assignments and challenges, learn at the speed of change and never take anything for granted.

In the hindsight, those 6 years were the most fruitful years of my life.

It is only when we are lost and clueless that we are introduced to our real powers as human beings. It’s only when a spring is pressed that we know how much it can bounce back.

I read this beautiful couplet that resonated:

“भटकनों में अर्थ होता है,
टूटना कब व्यर्थ होता है
शक्ति की खोई हुई पहचान जगती है,
आदमी जब बेतरह असमर्थ होता है।”

Loosely translated, it says..

“There is a meaning in getting lost,
It is not in vain to have a broken-heart,
A new-found recognition of hidden strength emerges,
When one is totally trapped and helpless.”

Bob Riley said,

“Hard times don’t create heroes. It is during the hard times when the “hero” within us is revealed.”

Hit the Road

My daughter started learning car driving.

The instructor takes the car to wide empty roads so that she can get the basics of gear, clutch, braking etc. right.

But when we actually drive the car, the road isn’t empty. There are so many variables that come into play – cross roads, traffic, U-turns, stop lights, slopes, unexpected bumps and so on.

That is where real learning happens. That is where your instinct sharpens, skills develop and adaptability grows. These unexpected variables forces us to think on our feet and choose best responses to dynamic situations in front of you. On the road, you learn as much about yourself as you learn about the outside world.

In that sense, the road is the ultimate teacher.

What is true for car driving is true for learning anything. We learn the basics in the comfort of a classroom but real learning happens when we execute what we learn, create something new, work with others and execute our skills in a competitive ecosystem.

Technology changes, careers evolve, markets are disrupted, product ideas fail, competition keeps you on the edge – all these (and many more) variables demand adaptability and resilience.

So, prepare well in the classroom to learn the basics, then hit the road. Create something meaningful and let those unexpected variables shape your journey of learning, and making a difference.

Career and Character

Dear Learner,

Hello again!

Career is something YOU get to build. Through your intelligence. Through your ability to remember and apply things. Through sheer determination. By availing external assistance and coaching to accomplish things.

But character? The kind of human being you will become? That is not taught, it is built. Character is earned.

Very few things build (and reveal) true character of a person than adversity and failure. Falling short of a certain threshold (they call it cutoffs in academics) brings along temporary suffering and self-doubt, but also a great deal of realization. That suffering is not without a meaning.

Thanks to falling short, you are wiser. You know what works for you, and what doesn’t. You know how things work. It nudges you to try harder and work smarter. Failures sharpen us. It is through these experiences that we truly build a character. Failures make us resilient.

Failure teaches us lessons that intelligence alone cannot offer.

Be grateful for the setbacks. They are not diversions along the path, they are the path.

Onward and upward,

Tanmay

Dear Student

Dear *Student,

Congratulations on completing your 12th class exams, as well as a few competitive ones. I am proud about you making it this far with grit and determination. I know it has not been easy for you.

Your journey till now was a straight line – year after year, syllabus after syllabus and exam after exam – much like walking a straight path that many others have walked on before.

But now starts a phase that is more like finding your way out of the jungle where no trails exists. You have to carve out your unique path with combination of skills that can help you make a positive difference in the world.

Waiting for results, applying to various colleges, figuring out your path can feel overwhelming, but this is your opportunity to create a different path for yourselves through choices, turns, experiments, and discoveries about the world around you and about your own selves. This path you now create can possibly inspire others too.

Building a rewarding and fulfilling career is less like a destination and more like a journey. As you navigate your next best step, here are a few things you should keep in mind:

1) You cannot create a novel path for yourself if you simply follow what others have done. Be curious and follow what energizes you, not just what looks good on paper.

2) Skills > Degrees. Degrees are door openers, but skills are what keeps them open. “What skills?”, you may ask. The skills that you build at the intersection of what you truly love AND what helps others meaningfully. You can be highly qualified, but without skills and real ability to solve problems, qualifications are simply a piece of paper. “What kind of skills?” you may ask again. It has to be a combination of technical skills, functional skills (understanding the domain) and soft skills.

3) Escape the comparison trap. The world loves comparison, and ranking you on a scale. You are YOU – with your unique strengths, interests, and path. Comparison, they say, is the enemy of creativity. It is a way to keep you in the same track as others. Have courage to break free from the compliant path, and then you stand a chance to do something unique.

4) Learn what they don’t teach you in school but plays a HUGE role in your life, career and relationships. These would be things like communication, digital literacy (AI, tech tools, cyber security), public speaking, storytelling, collaborating with others, time management, investing, personal finance and curiosity. Most importantly, learn how to learn on your own through books, online forums and physical comunities. These are just a few that comes to mind.

You won’t know where exactly you are going, and that’s okay. You just have to take the next right step, and keep going. That’s what wayfinding is all about.

With love and belief in you,

Tanmay

P.S.: The *Student here refers to my daughter, my nephew and their friends, who may find this useful 🙂

Choices are a Signal

We say we care about family, and yet skip dinner with them to attend a late night meeting.

We say we value health, and yet we make poor food choices and skip exercising.

We say that creativity matters the most, and yet we scroll endlessly without creating anything.

If your choices don’t support what you value, then all talk is noise.

Choices are signals – loud, clear and undeniable.

They tell a story of what you “truly” value.

The story you live is the only truth – everything else is just hollow.

Confession of Character

The way you speak about the world says more about you than the world itself. When you constantly see negativity, chaos, or betrayal – ask WHY. Because our perspectives are shaped by our inner state. A kind heart sees kindness and a hopeful soul sees opportunities. If you are constantly bitter, it reflects inner wounds.

Words you use to describe the world are a mirror. It pays to think about what your words are revealing about you.